Saturday, May 12

Subjected To Spam

I know spammers use weird subject lines to smuggle their messages through filters, but do they really think I'm going to be interested in the non-sequitor result, or not see it as spam from 15 light years away? I must admit, though, I am sometimes intrigued. Here are a few random e-spams I received lately, and how I might respond.

No Name 584590627 X 650

Not only do you not have my name, but you got my social security number wrong. What’s with the binocular focal length?

We selling branded watches
Me ignoring sale try. But me report you to PETA for crueling watches.

With go acampo
No time for acamping. I am going aboating this weekend, though.

For Lighty
Sorry, don’t know who that is. But he sounds gay. BTW, if you remove the “or” you get “flighty.” Kind of like “by night.”

Go till lampasas
I can go till about 2 a.m., then I’m pooped. And kiss my lampasas.

A grimesland is chesnee
Yes. Yes he is.

re:Healthy life is your dream?
Re: Merrily, merrily, merrily.

I don’t know what you want, but cussing at me ain’t gonna help.

Merry Christmas
And a Happy May Hannukah to you!

Urgent responds to what?

Is which corriganville
I dunno. But Wrongwaytown is thataway --->

Drugs worldwide at low price
Thanks, but I really don’t want to travel that far for aspirin and prozac.

I branchville he novato
Me Tarzan, you Jane.


rennratt said...

I get stuff like that in my WORK email.

And by text message on my Nextel.

I LOVE some of the bizarre "short stories" they send. My Big Boss routinely calls me into his office to read HIS spam. Generally out loud. In Dr. Seuss format.

It's less annoying that way.

tiff said...

Merrily merrily merrily is brills. Tot'lly.

Our work filters are far too robust for my taste. I get nary a one, and therefore miss out of all the opps to increase my penis length. Yeah. I know. Weird.

Anonymous said...

You inspired me to check out my own spam filter, where over 600 messages seem to accrue in any given week.

I had to take a few Excedrin and walk outside for some fresh air after the first dozen messages... Who the hell writes like that? Do they have a special school for spammers? It would almost fun to do a weekly spam or news headline post... almost.

Thanks for a good laugh and smile.