Every kid knows all the items in his stocking came from the $.99 Store, and doesn't want any of it.
No one really knows whatKwanza Kwaanzaa Quonza Kiwanis that stupid made-up holiday is.
By the age of three months, the average American child has seen "A Christmas Story" 47 times.
You will never find the perfect Christmas card, but at least you won't be torturing loved ones with the generic "what we did this year" letter from the family dog.
If you count all the crazed idiot shoppers at the mall, you're one of them.
New Christmas carols suck.
The word marzipan Comes from the German martz, meaning "sweet," and the Danish zippan, meaning "horse turd."
One pound of fruitcake weighs three pounds.
As soon as you pay your Christmas bills, it's Christmas again.
No one really knows what
By the age of three months, the average American child has seen "A Christmas Story" 47 times.
You will never find the perfect Christmas card, but at least you won't be torturing loved ones with the generic "what we did this year" letter from the family dog.
If you count all the crazed idiot shoppers at the mall, you're one of them.
New Christmas carols suck.
The word marzipan Comes from the German martz, meaning "sweet," and the Danish zippan, meaning "horse turd."
One pound of fruitcake weighs three pounds.
As soon as you pay your Christmas bills, it's Christmas again.
6 comments:
Please add "The Wizard of Oz" is not a holiday movie.
It's just friggin' creepy.
Dude - I must link to this. MUST, and will. Most excellent.
Amen. Especially the 99 cent thingie. My kids know. Now, instead of spending $30 for thirty items, I spend $30 for three. And they are much happier.
Tiff sent me! You're mostly right, except I do know a little about
Kwanzaa. I know a whole lot about that last one. Darn true!
Got a hearty snort outta me. Almost all true, especially the mall one. However, I didn't see Christmas Story until well after high school, and all the oft-mangled lines began to find their context.
Now I can shout out "Fragile! Must be from Italy!" with the best of 'em.
Oh, and here via Tiff.
The three pound one-pound fruitcake is so true....
Merry Christmas Kingfisher.
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