Tuesday, September 18

Douchance

Sounds enticing, doesn't it? Like bon jour or bonne chance or Champs Elysees. Sorry. Nothing that exotic. It's Kingfisher shorthand for the chance you are a douche. To wit, the following douche/chance ratios:

Your name is Toby - 2%
Your name is Keith - 2%
Your name is Toby Keith - 98%

Wrestling fan - 67%
NASCAR fan - 87%
Raiders fan - 97%

Favorite movie is anime - 24%
Favorite movie directed by Quentin Tarantino - 64%
Favorite movie stars Chris Tucker - 84%

Jewish - 49%
Christian - 50%
Muslim - 51%

You live on the West Bank - 10%
You distrust banks - 12%
You are Tyra Banks - 92%

Hetero - 80%
Gay - 80%
Celebate - 81%

Chocoholic - 5%
Alcoholic - 79%
Workaholic - 94%

Dog lover - 11%
Cat lover - 21%
Goat lover - 95%

Bilingual - 5%
Bisexual - 69%
Bipolar - 0% or 100%

Goth - 99.7%
Emo - 99.8%
Performance artist - 99.9%

You have a blog - 64%
You post daily on your blog because you think people really care - 65%
You rate people with douchance on your blog - 101%

5 comments:

tiff said...

Brilliant. I was seething a tiny bit at the last group of doucheketeeryness, but the last line redeemed you forever n' ever. Awesome.

rennratt said...

M'kay.

Do we add them together, or are we judged separately in each category?

I'm through the roof on a few of them. On others, however, I have no opinion whatsoever.

Kingfisher said...

Tiff - Ha! Thought I'd get under your skin with that one.

Renn - If we add them up, I score well over 400%. In previous lives (aka my 20's) I would have been close to 600%. So, no.

Cravey said...

I qualify at a ginormous douche in some of these categories.
I'm so proud.

who knew i had it in me?

Shari said...

Um...does the celebate category count if it's not by choice?